garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's official drugs can't kill me
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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