i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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