how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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