some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
