he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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