I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
