well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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