If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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