Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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