I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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