Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
