yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Everclear isn't food dammit
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
