i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hippo gnu deer
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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