do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
