Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
