what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
