I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
