when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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