Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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