I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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