So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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