Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My life is pants optional.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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