Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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