I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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