If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
