Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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So much rum. So many feels.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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