Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
