singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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