why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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