I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
