So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
