It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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