Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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