Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
