it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so let's talk penis.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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