i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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