I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize