i wish my penis had a tongue
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
