Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
