remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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