Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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