How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
