So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
