Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
