no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
