God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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