You really coming over, don't trick.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
