is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When are your genitals available?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
