put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
