i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
