Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So gin and wine won't be happening again
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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