His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
