I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
