zippers are such a cool invention
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
