singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
