Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
