My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
