a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
