My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
