Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Everclear isn't food dammit
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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