On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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