We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
