I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
