i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
