Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
