Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
