No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
