My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
