i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
