no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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