why didn't you poke me back
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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