Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
