Me too!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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