yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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