the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
