apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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