take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
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