I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
