Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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