Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
